Crazy Crazy Mansion
by Hoogiman
Summary: Crazy Hand owns the mansion. A murderous rampage occurs. Chaos ensues. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Chapter One **

* * *

Master Hand sat in his office, counting his money and calculating his net worth, as a greedy entrepreneur would. 

"Man," said Master Hand, leaning back in his chair and relaxing, "Having all of this money here is just so… awesome…"

An irritated Hammer Bros. dressed in a maid's outfit walked into the room, placing a tall cocktail onto the side of Master Hand's desk.

"I am **not** being your personal slave anymore!" said the Hammer Bros. angrily.

"Oh, that's okay," said Master Hand wittily, "Well if you don't, you might find that your job as an assist trophy will just… disappear!"

The Hammer Bros. glared at Master Hand angrily. "I don't even _want_ to be an assist trophy. In fact, _I quit!_"

"You can't quit," said Master Hand, smiling evilly, "You signed a ten year _contract_."

"Errrgh," grumbled the Hammer Bros. in frustration, "I **hate** your signature forging skills, Master Hand."

Master Hand chuckled, "Well, off to work _slave maid girl_!"

"I'm a guy," said the Hammer Bros. in his deep turtle-bird-like masculine voice.

"You don't _sound_ like a guy," laughed Master Hand in his high-pitched squeaky voice.

"You don't sound like a guy at all!" said the Hammer Bros. angrily. "After you tried taking those steroi -"

"Shut up!" cried Master Hand, "I wouldn't have taken those pills had I known there was a side-effect of becoming almost a woman! So shut up! Just shut up!"

Master Hand sobbed.

"Well," said the Hammer Bros., "…it does serve you right…"

"Do you _want_ to be fired, punk?" said Master Hand angrily.

"Well, yes..." said the Hammer Bros. softly.

"You know what? I don't even want you here anymore! You're fired!" said Master Hand angrily.

"Wooo!" screamed the Hammer Bros. in excitement, running out of the room happily.

"I think I just crushed him emotionally," cackled Master Hand. "After all, it was his dream to work here and…"

The Hammer Bros. dashed into the office, "Actually, you forced me into this job and I hate it."

"I hate you!" said Master Hand angrily.

The Hammer Bros. dashed out.

Crazy Hand floated in.

"Oh, hi Crazy," said Master Hand angrily.

"Helloes my darling," said Crazy Hand, spinning around incessantly. "I'm here to request another brick for my room as-"

The Hammer Bros. ran in excitedly, "Master Hand, you're screwed, the taxman is here!"

Master Hand gasped, "I haven't paid my taxes in fourteen years!"

The Hammer Bros. chuckled sadistically and ran out.

"What do I do?" said Master Hand, panicking.

The footsteps of the taxman were now audible.

"Help me, Crazy! What do I do?" said Master Hand panicking.

The footsteps were closer and louder.

"What do I do?" screamed Master Hand.

A jiggle on Master Hand's doorknob was heard.

"Eek!" screamed Master Hand, hiding under his desk.

The taxman, along with several policemen rammed the door off its hinges, causing it to fall on the ground.

They looked at Crazy Hand angrily, "Master Hand, you are under arrest-"

"_Haha,_" said Master Hand to himself, "_They'll arrest Crazy Hand for me, and he'll have to serve time for **my** crime!_"

Master Hand cackled evilly.

The policeman turned and looked at Master Hand, hiding under the desk.

Master Hand gasped. "How did you find me?!"

"You had your finger on the speakerphone as you confessed your guilt," said the taxman.

"Oh," said Master Hand.

"And the cackling also gave away your position," said the taxman.

They arrested Master Hand.

"NUUEZ!" said Master Hand as they dragged him off**  
**

* * *

Crazy Hand tapped a spoon on a glass as all of the Smashers were sitting down in the main hall. 

"Thank you for coming to this family meeting!" said Crazy Hand. "Master Hand has been arrested, which means-"

"But…" interrupted Ness, "This isn't a _family_ meeting as we're not actually family!"

"Shut up, little boy," threatened Crazy Hand, cackling manically. "In this family meeting, I am announcing that Master Hand has been arrested, which means that-"

"But we're not family!" said Ness, annoyed.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "It should be called a group meeting-"

"Conference!" said Young Link angrily, "It's a spontaneous conference of-"

"Master Hand was arrested?!" said Link, shocked.

"Group meeting!" said Kirby and Nana angrily.

"Spontaneous conference!" said Young Link and Popo angrily.

"Wait," said Link, shocked, "Master Hand was arrested?!"

"Group meeting!" said Kirby, Nana and Peach angrily.

"Spontaneous conference!" said Young Link, Popo and Peach angrily.

"Shut up!" said Link angrily, "Master Hand has been arrested and-"

Everyone gasped.

"Master Hand's been arrested?!" said everyone in unison and shock.

"Yep," said Crazy Hand, foaming at the mouth, "Master Hand has been arrested for tax evasion, which means that _I'm_ the head of the Smash Mansion!"

"Actually," said Luigi, "Master Hand specifically said that **I'm** the head of the Smash Mansion until he chose a repl-"

Crazy Hand squashed Luigi.

Continued Crazy Hand, "Master Hand has been arrested for tax evasion and Luigi has gotten into an accident…"

Everybody nodded in agreement.

"…which means that _I'm_ the head of the Smash Mansion!" said Crazy Hand happily.

"AAH!" screamed everyone in unison, "We're doomed! We're doomed!"

"…and there are _new_ Smashers arriving!" said Crazy Hand.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

Everybody forgot about Master Hand, Crazy Hand being the commander in-chief and the whole 'being completely doomed' thing**  
**

* * *

Young Link, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Pichu, Nana, Ness and Popo stood in a circle, discussing eagerly about the new Smashers. 

"Oh my gosh," said Young Link excitedly, "Crazy Hand said there would be a new Smasher today!"

"I know, it would be so wonderful to meet this new person!" said Ness.

"Wonderful… more like… gonderful…" laughed Nana.

Silence.

…

"Nana, that's not funny-" said Ness.

"Laugh at it," said Nana angrily, holding up a gun to Ness's throat.

"Hahaha," laughed Ness nervously, "So funny!"

"That's right," said Nana proudly, "I am funny."

Pikachu and Pichu nodded nervously.

"You know what else is funny?" said Young Link.

"What?" said everyone else in unison.

"Comedians," said Young Link.

Several people chuckled.

"That's not funny," said Nana angrily.

"It's more funny than your gonderful jokes that are-" laughed Ness.

Nana held a gun up to Ness's throat.

"…really funny!" laughed Ness hysterically.

"That's right," said Nana smugly.

Jigglypuff ran in excitedly.

"Guys, the new Smasher is coming in!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

They all shuffled in rhythmical unison towards the front door.

Diddy Kong walked into the mansion.

"Ooh," said everyone in unison.

"What's your name, punk?" said Nana angrily, holding up Diddy Kong by the collar.

"Well, my name's not punk," laughed Diddy Kong.

Everybody chuckled except Nana and Young Link.

"That's not funny!" said Nana, holding a toy gun up to Ness's throat.

"Uh… that's a bubble gun," said Ness, confused.

"Bubble gun, more like, bubble gum!" laughed Diddy Kong.

Everybody except Nana and Young Link laughed.

"That's not funny," said Nana, aiming her gun at Diddy Kong.

"You stole _my_ joke," said Young Link angrily.

"Joke, more like, broke," laughed Diddy Kong in a hyper voice.

"Are you being drugged or something? It's not funny!" said Nana angrily.

"Actually," said Popo, sniffing the air, "I think we are…"

Everybody passed out**  
**

* * *

Link and Crazy Hand stared at Luigi's body in silence. 

"You know, seeing Luigi's dead…" said Link, "…maybe we should… organise a funeral for him or something?"

"No," replied Crazy Hand instantly.

"But what if Mario-"

"No," said Crazy Hand.

"But what if the-"

"No," said Crazy Hand.

"But perhaps we-"

"No," said Crazy Hand.

"But-"

"No."

Link didn't say anything.

"No," said Crazy Hand.

Link didn't say anything.

"No," said Crazy Hand.

A cartoon light bulb appeared above Link's head.

"Should we _not_ organise a funeral for Luigi?" said Link.

"No," said Crazy Hand.

"Okay then, let's organise it!" said Link.

Link went onto the internet and went on EasyFunerals4u dot com.

"Well, thanks to my wonderful search engine skills, I have found a directory of all of the funeral directors in the city!"

Crazy Hand used the mouse to scroll down the page.

"Ooh, what about this one?" said Crazy Hand, pointing to an ad in the directory.

"That funeral costs fourteen million dollars!" said Link, shocked, "Surely we don't care about Luigi _that_ much."

Link looked at Luigi's body. "No offense."

"What about this one?" said Crazy Hand, pointing to another ad.

"Dinosaur-themed funeral?" said Link, half-shocked, half-disgusted. "Um… how about no?"

Crazy Hand was already in the process of ordering the super-deluxe Brontosaurus package.

"Crazy Hand!" said Link, shocked, "Surely we should think this through before ordering-"

Crazy Hand had already ordered the funeral.

"You don't even _have_ a credit card!" said Link, "How did you pay for-"

Link noticed his wallet was missing.

"Don't worry, I'll pay you back," said Crazy Hand, holding up Link's credit card.

Crazy Hand took four hundred dollars out of Link's wallet and gave it to Link.

"That's _my_ money you're paying with!" said Link angrily.

"What, you **don't** want me to pay you back?" said Crazy Hand, pocketing the money, "Fine!"

"Errgh," said Link in frustration.

* * *

Nana and Young Link snuck off from the group and went into a corner. 

"I really hate that Diddy Kong," said Nana angrily.

"Yeah, me too," said Young Link. "He steals all of my jokes-"

"And he uses all of the jokes that I should have come up with!" said Nana angrily.

…

"Do you want to _kill_ him?" said Young Link.

"Okay," said Nana.

"Really?" said Young Link.

"Yeah, I'm dead serious," said Nana.

…

"Oh, because I was joking and-"

"You'll kill him," said Nana, holding up her bubble gun threateningly.

"Okay," said Young Link nervously.

* * *

A man in a cheap dinosaur costume along with two buckteeth female assistants carrying a clown-size coffin walked into the Smash Mansion. 

"Here's our dinosaur funeral!" said Crazy Hand excitedly.

"That's right," said the man, "We're going to give him a dino-riffic departur-"

The excitement was too much for Crazy Hand to handle, which caused him to have a spasm and squash the man and his two ugly-looking assistants.

…

"You idiot!" said Link angrily. "We're going to have to have **four** funerals now!"

"Sorry," said Crazy Hand.

Crazy Hand stole the dinosaur man's wallet.

"Cool! Now you can pay me back!" said Link.

"Okay," said Crazy Hand, handing Link a twenty dollar bill.

…

"That's for _twenty_ dollars," said Link angrily.

"What, you **don't** want me to pay you back?" said Crazy Hand, pocketing the money, "Fine!"

"Errgh," said Link in frustration**  
**

* * *

Nana and Young Link sat on a very high-up plank of wood that was near the ceiling. 

"Okay," said Nana, "We've set up this anvil here, so all we have to do is wait for Diddy Kong to step under it…"

"…then we cut the rope, and kill Diddy Kong!" said Young Link.

Young Link and Nana cackled evilly.

…

"I'm getting a soda," said Nana, "Do you want one?"

"No," said Young Link, "I'm trying to keep my dental-"

Nana held up a gun to Young Link's throat. "You will have a soda and you will enjoy it."

"Okay," said Young Link nervously**  
**

* * *

A policeman walked through the front door. 

"We're here to investigate a murder," said the policeman, walking up to Crazy Hand and Link, who were trembling in fear. "We were going to have a dinosaur funeral for one of our fellow policemen, but they haven't showed up!"

The policeman glared at Link angrily.

"Would **_you_** have anything to do with this?" said the policeman suspiciously.

"It was all Crazy Hand's fault! I swear! He was the one that-**"  
**

* * *

"Is that Diddy Kong down there?" said Nana, pointing to the policeman that was standing under the path of the anvil. 

"I don't know," said Young Link, "I don't remember Diddy Kong being so policeman-like and human-like and-"

"Release the anvil!" said Nana psychotically.

"But it isn't-"

Nana used a pocket knife to release the anvil**.  
**

* * *

"I swear, it wasn't me!" cried Link. 

"I'm sorry Link, but I'm going to have to arrest you-"

"NUUEZ!" screamed Link.

The anvil landed on the policeman, killing him.

"Great! Now we need five funerals!" said Link angrily.

"Ooh," said Crazy Hand, "We could have a _dinosaur_ funeral!"

"You killed them," said Link.

"Oh," said Crazy Hand.

…

"Ooh," said Crazy Hand, "We could have a _dinosaur_ funeral!"

"You killed them," said Link.

"Oh," said Crazy Hand**.  
**

* * *

"You idiot!" said Nana angrily. "You killed a policeman!" 

"**You** were the one that released the anvil!" said Young Link angrily.

…

"Anyway," said Nana, looking eight metres down onto the ground, "We should probably… get out of here… being so high up and all…"

…

"How did we get up here?" said Young Link.

"I dunno," said Nana, shocked.

…

"HELP!" screamed Young Link and Nana in unison, stuck near the ceiling**  
**

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review? 

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum _


	2. Chapter 2

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

"_I really hate that Diddy Kong," said Nana angrily._

"_Do you want to kill him?" said Young Link._

…

"_HELP!" screamed Young Link and Nana in unison, stuck near the ceiling._

…

"_Great! Now we need five funerals!" said Link angrily._

**Chapter Two**

"Great, we're stuck on the roof," said Nana angrily.

"Actually, I'd call it a long piece of wood that is a structural part of the roof and-" said Young Link.

"It's the roof," said Nana threateningly, holding a gun up to Young Link.

"Okay, it's the roof…" chuckled Young Link.

Several moments passed. Jigglypuff walked through the main hall, directly underneath Young Link and Nana.

"Jigglypuff, save us from this roof!" said Nana.

"Save us from the tooth?!" screamed Jigglypuff in horror, "Aah! Giant tooth!"

Jigglypuff ran around in circles a lot, knocking over several expensive vases and tables.

"Great," said Nana angrily.

Diddy Kong walked underneath Nana and Young Link. "Hey guys!" shouted Diddy Kong, "Do you need help getting down here?"

"We're quite fine, actually!" said Nana angrily.

Said Young Link, "Actually, we could-"

Nana held a shotgun up to Young Link's mouth.

"We're fine!" said Young Link nervously.

"Okay then!" said Diddy Kong, skipping off in an annoying manner.

Several moments passed.

Mario walked by.

"Help us from this roof, Mario!" begged Young Link.

"Okay!" shouted Mario, "I'll help you down-"

Diddy Kong skipped back into the room.

"Hey," laughed Diddy Kong, "I thought you guys said you didn't need help getting down."

"Actually, we don't!" shouted Nana angrily.

Mario and Diddy Kong walked out of the room.

"Grr," said Nana.

"We have to devise a clever way of getting down from this large suspended plank of wood," said Young Link.

Nana held a shotgun up to Young Link.

"We have to devise a clever way of getting down from this roof," said Young Link.

"Better," said Nana.

Several moments passed as Nana and Young Link thought in silence.

Said Young Link, "I've got an idea on how we can-"

"I've got an even better idea!" said Nana, "As you see, over there is a large metal pole that reaches towards the ground. We can then take off our sweaters and then, after taking a death-defying two metre jump to that pole, we use our sweaters and the pole as a flying fox! What do you think about that, Popo?"

"I'm Young Link," said Young Link.

"Shut up," said Nana, "Now what do you think about my awesome suggestion?"

"Actually, I was thinking we could use that ladder several metres away to safely climb down," said Young Link.

…

"Shut up," said Nana angrily.

Young Link climbed down the ladder.

"Fine! I'll take the adventurous way," said Nana angrily.

Unfortunately, Nana did not make the death-defying two metre jump. She fell towards the ground.

* * *

"Fine," said Crazy Hand, after fifteen vigorous minutes of negotiating a budget with Link. "I'll give you four thousand dollars for the five funerals, and one hundred and six dollars for your monthly food allowance!"

"Thanks!" said Link, shaking Crazy Hand's hand, "Now I can organise five funerals _and_ have enough food to eat this month!"

Nana's body landed in between Crazy Hand and Link.

"Great!" said Link angrily, "Now we need **six** funerals!"

Link realised that Crazy Hand was going to pay for only five of them.

"Please," begged Link, "I know we've settled the budget but we need money for Nana's as well!"

"I'm not paying for it," said Crazy Hand.

"Fine," said Link angrily, "I suppose the dinosaur guy doesn't actually need a-"

Young Link ran into the room in shock.

"I'm in complete shock," said a shocked Young Link in shock, looking at Nana's shocked body that had a shocked face that froze right after her shocking death.

"I know!" said Link angrily, "Crazy Hand's forcing me to pay for the funeral out of pocket! Isn't that just shocking? I mean, he-"

"Actually, I was kind of referring to the body," said Young Link.

…

"Nana's dead?!" screamed Link in shock.

* * *

"We'll help you unload your stuff!" said Jigglypuff to Diddy Kong.

"Yeah!" said Pikachu, Pichu, Ness and Popo in unison, walking into the room.

"Cool, thanks guys!" said Diddy Kong.

"What a cool clock!" said Pichu, taking a bomb out of Diddy Kong's bag and placing it onto a shelf.

"Actually, it's a bomb…" said Diddy Kong in a low, evil voice.

"Okay…" said Pichu, confused, laughing nervously.

"I kid! I kid!" laughed Diddy Kong.

Everybody laughed.

"And is this also a bomb?" laughed Ness, taking out a lampshade.

"Actually, it is," cackled Diddy Kong evilly.

Everybody laughed, now with a slight unsureness to the tone of laughter.

"So, is this a bomb too?" said Pikachu, holding up a gun.

"Actually, that's a semi-automatic pistol that can kill within seconds," said Diddy Kong in a psychotic voice, one of his eyes remaining motionless while the other spun in an unsettling clockwise motion.

Everyone chuckled nervously.

"Actually," said Diddy Kong in a low, throaty voice, "Now that you've all found out about my secret plot, I have no choice but to eliminate you all! Do you have any-"

Young Link ran into the room. "Nana died!" he screamed.

Everybody gasped.

"And there's a new Smasher!" announced Young Link.

"Yay!" cheered everyone, forgetting about everything related to Diddy Kong.

And Nana.

* * *

"Hi guys," said Wario, walking into the main hall, scanning the room, "Now I'd just like to say before my formal greeting that _you all_ are in dange-"

"Wario?!" said Mario angrily. "We can't have _him _here! He's just a big piece of lard!"

"Shut up!" cried Wario, "Even though I may have a large amount of weight, I also have a large _heart _too!"

"Aww…" said everyone.

"Wait, in a _figurative_ sense or a _literal_ sense?" said Ness, slightly alarmed.

"Actually, a _literal_-"

"Oh my gosh!" screamed Ness, remembering what he had learnt from his medical degree, "That means that anytime soon you may have a stroke or a-"

Several bullets fired at Wario from outside of the room. Wario's carcass lay there.

Link and Crazy Hand ran into the room.

"Drat!" said Link angrily, "I just negotiated _six_ funerals with Crazy Hand and now we need a _seventh_? This is crazy!"

Everybody stared at Link angrily.

"Oh yeah… Wario's… death was… unfortunate…" said Link, trying to resist the temptation of poking him with a sword.

Everybody walked off.

"Hehe!" said Link, poking Wario's body with a sword.

Ness ran in, in shock. "You- you monster! How dare you poke that body with a sword! That is about the most _disrespectful _thing you-"

"Hehe!" said Crazy Hand, poking Ness with a gigantic ten-metre spear.

"Crazy Hand! Only poke dead bodies!" said Link angrily.

Link realised Ness was a body too.

"Crazy Hand!" said Link angrily, "We need _eight_ funerals now! Stop all of the meaningless deaths and-"

"Hehe!" said Link, poking Ness's body.

* * *

"Hey Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff to Pikachu, walking into his room, "Do you want to rummage through Diddy Kong's belongings for no apparent reason?"

"Okay," said Pikachu. "Negotiating the hostage can wait until later."

Pikachu pointed to a muffled and gagged Peach, who despite the horrible conditions she was in, was still singing radio advertising jingles.

"Shut up!" said Pikachu angrily, putting a knife in Peach's foot.

Peach sung a radio advertising jingle about Paul's Bandages and Antiseptic Cream.

Jigglypuff, oblivious to Pikachu's psychotic behaviour walked in a jolly manner towards Diddy Kong's room.

"Cool! I didn't know he had so many classified documents!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to several suspicious-looking folders on top of the desk.

Pikachu looked closer at the files, "The files are photos of us!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu, interestingly intrigued, looked through the files which contained food allergies, previous injuries and emotional attachments inside.

"What would he be doing with those documents?" said Pikachu, scratching his head.

Jigglypuff pointed to several folders on the 'out' pile.

"Look, it's Wario's profile!" said Jigglypuff, taking Wario's document. She opened it and flipped through the pages, finally flipping to a page with the word written in blood: eliminated.

"Look! He must have been eliminated from the tournament!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "Wario with his no-good luck. Throughout the entire years I've known him I have to say-"

"You only knew him this morning," said Pikachu alarmed, "…and when he means eliminated… I think he meant that he _kill_-"

Diddy Kong's whistling was heard from outside the room.

"Quickly! Hide!" said Pikachu, seeking refuge in a pile of Diddy Kong's shorts.

Jigglypuff stood there, smiling blindly, still holding Wario's file.

Diddy Kong's whistling became louder.

"Get rid of the file!" said Pikachu.

"Where do I put it?" said Jigglypuff slowly, "Do I put it on the desk? Do I put it on the floor? Do I put it on the ceiling? Do I put it near the door?"

The door creaked open.

"Aaah!" screamed Jigglypuff, hiding in a basket full of guns.

Diddy Kong walked in, singing in a manic voice. "Gonna kill Popo… gonna kill Popo…"

"Did you like my rhyme?" whispered Jigglypuff really loudly.

"Shut up! The killer will hear us," whispered Pikachu even louder.

"I can whisper louder than you!" boasted Jigglypuff, whispering really loudly.

"Shut up! He'll kill us!" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"Ah, schizophrenic voices in my head," laughed Diddy Kong to himself, his eyes rotating in separate directions, "I'd get professional help but unfortunately no psychologist has cured me before I took an axe to them!"

Diddy Kong laughed manically. Jigglypuff laughed politely.

"You don't need to laugh!" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"What if I found it funny, huh?" shouted Jigglypuff in a really loud voice, standing up from the gun pile.

Jigglypuff looked at Diddy Kong.

"Oh, hi Diddy Kong!" laughed Jigglypuff nervously.

"Hi," said Diddy Kong in a normal voice.

"Uh… I have to go now…" said Jigglypuff, "Silly me! I must've thought that this was my room! No wonder!"

"Oh, go on then, run along, Jig-"

Jigglypuff laughed, "Because after all, I wouldn't ever keep documents in _my_ room of my plans to kill-"

Diddy Kong grabbed a knife.

"Eeek!" screamed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff looked at the **gun** pile next to her.

Jigglypuff looked at Diddy Kong holding a knife.

Jigglypuff looked at the **gun** pile next to her.

Jigglypuff looked at Diddy Kong holding a knife.

Jigglypuff looked at the **gun** pile next to her.

Jigglypuff looked at Diddy Kong holding a knife.

"I surrender!" said Jigglypuff, putting up her hands.

"You idiot!" said Pikachu angrily, running to the **gun** pile and grabbing a gun.

"Well… I guess this is it…" said Diddy Kong. "But guess what you didn't know!"

"What?" said Jigglypuff and Pikachu in unison.

"The guns are fake," laughed Diddy Kong, "So it's better to-"

Jigglypuff picked up a gun and started shooting dozens of bullets at Diddy Kong. She stopped.

"I think they're not fake, somehow," said Jigglypuff blankly.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff shot Diddy Kong several more times.

"Yeah… I really think he's lying," said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff shot Diddy Kong several more times.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that these are real guns," she said.

Pikachu stared open-mouthed.

Said Jigglypuff, "Well I guess that makes _that_ saga ove-"

Ike walked into the room, holding a gun in each hand, "You _do_ realise we're just going to keep coming and coming?"

Ike grinned menacingly, a gun pointed at each Pokemon**  
**

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

_Nana's body landed in between Crazy Hand and Link._

"_Great!" said Link angrily, "Now we need __**six**__ funerals!"_

…

_Several bullets fired at Wario from outside of the room. Wario's carcass lay there._

…

"_Hehe!" said Link, poking Ness's body._

…

"_Hey Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff to Pikachu, walking into his room, "Do you want to rummage through Diddy Kong's belongings for no apparent reason?"_

…

"_Look, it's Wario's profile!" said Jigglypuff, taking Wario's document. She opened it and flipped through the pages, finally flipping to a page with the word written in blood: eliminated._

…

"_Shut up! He'll kill us!" whispered Pikachu angrily._

"_Ah, schizophrenic voices in my head," laughed Diddy Kong to himself, his eyes rotating in separate directions, "I'd get professional help but unfortunately no psychologist has cured me before I took an axe to them!"_

…

_Jigglypuff shot Diddy Kong several more times._

…

_Ike walked into the room, holding a gun in each hand, "You do realise we're just going to keep coming and coming?"_

_Ike grinned menacingly, a gun pointed at each Pokemon._

**Chapter Three**

Ike walked into the room grinning menacingly. He held two guns one aimed at Jigglypuff, one aimed at Pikachu. "You _do_ realise we're just going to keep coming and coming?" he said, cackling evilly.

Jigglypuff gasped. "Yowser! It's… who _are _you?"

"I'm Ike," cackled Ike evilly, brushing his annoyingly blue hair with one of the guns.

"Please don't kill us Mike!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Ike," said Ike angrily.

"Bike? That's a weird name," said Jigglypuff.

"Shut up," said Ike angrily, pulling the safety on the gun pointed at Jigglypuff.

…

"And it's Ike," said Ike angrily.

"Mike?" said Jigglypuff.

"**Ike.**"

"Like?" said Jigglypuff.

"**Ike.**"

"Derrick?" said Jigglypuff.

"You stupid idiot, that doesn't even _rhyme_ with Ike," said Ike angrily.

"So why are you pointing a gun at us?" said Pikachu, scratching his head.

"Patricia?" said Jigglypuff.

"That's a girl's name," said Ike angrily.

"Why are you pointing guns at us?" said Pikachu, still confused.

"Shut up!" said Ike angrily, pointing both guns at Pikachu.

"Patricia, you do realise I could hit you because you no longer have guns pointed at me?" laughed Jigglypuff.

"Oh yeah?" said Ike angrily, pointing both his guns at Jigglypuff.

"Why are you pointing guns at us?" said Pikachu.

"Shut up!" said Ike angrily, pointing both guns at Pikachu.

"Now I could hit you if I wanted to-" said Jigglypuff.

"Shut up!" said Ike angrily, pointing both guns at Jigglypuff.

"You mean you'd let _me_ get shot?!" said Pikachu, outraged.

"I will _kill_ myself if you guys won't stop being so annoying!" said Ike angrily, pointing both guns in his head.

"You can't point guns _in_ your head," said Jigglypuff.

"Author's mistake!" said Ike angrily.

"I don't think so," said Jigglypuff, "I think you guys will-"

"I can't take this anymore!" cried Ike. Ike shot himself.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at Ike's body.

…

"Do you wanna have ice cream?" said Jigglypuff. "We can get vanilla, chocolate, raspberry-"

"All of the new Smashers are part of an international crime syndicate and you want to get _ice cream_?" said Pikachu hysterically.

"Well… yeah…" said Jigglypuff angrily.

* * *

Link ran into Crazy Hand's office, which had pictures of Crazy Hand taped over the pictures of Master Hand.

"…people can't even tell the difference," said Link.

"Shut up," sulked Crazy Hand, "Now what is it that you want?!"

"I've been trying to call the police about the murders but it appears the phone lines have been cut off," said Link. "Would you have anything to do with it?"

"Uh…" said Crazy Hand.

Crazy Hand shook a lot in nervousness.

"…no…" said Crazy Hand slowly, blatantly lying.

"You're lying, aren't you?" said Link.

"How did you know?!" sobbed Crazy Hand.

"You turn green when you lie," said Link, pointing to Crazy Hand's skin colour.

"I do _not_," pouted Crazy Hand.

Link pointed to Crazy Hand, turning even greener.

"Okay," sighed Crazy Hand, "Do you want to know the truth then?"

"Sure," said Link, raising an eyebrow.

"Well…" replied Crazy Hand slowly, clearly improvising. "…I'll just get you a sedative sundae…"

"What?!" said Link, confused.

"A… celebratory sundae!"

"Oh!" chuckled Link.

Crazy Hand floated out of the room.

Crazy Hand floated back in, holding a large sundae that contained several visible syringes on the outside.

"…that sundae is full of syringes…" said Link angrily.

…

"Eat it…" said Crazy Hand.

"No!" said Link angrily.

Crazy Hand took out a syringe. "_Now_ will you eat it?"

"No!" said Link angrily.

* * *

Bowser woke up. "Man, I must be hung over," he said, groaning softly.

As any other normal day, he started his daily ritual of checking several satanic/evil-themed web comics, posting last night's misfortunes on his blog, checking the stocks and chuckling at his daily e-joke. He then made his way down for breakfast at the acceptable time of three in the afternoon.

"Doo, doo doo," sung Bowser, stomping softly down the hallway, unnoticeably stepping on Nana, Luigi and the dinosaur man's bodies as he reached the top of the staircase.

"Morning Wario!" said Bowser happily, waving to Wario's dead carcass as he stomped what little life Ike had left as he walked down the staircase.

"Wait… since when was Wario part of the mansion?" said Bowser to himself, kicking Diddy Kong's body a rather far distance.

Bowser reached the breakfast table.

"The new smasher is here!" cheered Yoshi, Mr. Game and Watch and Roy excitedly.

"Big deal," scoffed Bowser, walking into the kitchen (nobody had left out any food for him) and taking out a cereal packet.

"Cool!" exclaimed a cheery dinosaur voice from outside the hall. "Bowser, check this guy out! He seems cool!"

"Whatever," said Bowser restlessly, pouring milk on his bland, paper-like oat cereal.

"Aah! Help us!" screamed Yoshi.

"He's got a gun!" shouted Roy.

"Yeah, yeah," said Bowser, putting on his headphones.

__

* * *

"I'm not eating _that_," said Link angrily, pointing to the bowl of syringe sundae Crazy Hand was offering him.

"Then I'm afraid you're going to have to _die_ now," said Crazy Hand.

"You wouldn't kill me, because I'm Lin-"

Crazy Hand was already in the process of squashing Link.

"Aah!" screamed Link.

Crazy Hand, rocketing towards him at bulleting speeds neared closer towards Link.

"Aah!" screamed Link.

And closer.

"I'll use the power of the _triforce!_" announced Link, holding up some random shield.

Diddy Kong's body flew from the main hall onto Crazy Hand, causing him to go off path and hit a spot one metre away from him. Crazy Hand fainted from impact.

"I guess the triforce really _does_ work!" chuckled Link. "Now to make my escape!"

Link walked towards the door.

"Now to open it!"

Link tried to open the door, but it didn't open.

"Now to open it!"

Link tried to open the door, but it didn't open.

"How could that be?!" said Link in shock.

"Look here, swordsman boy," said a deep voice from behind Link.

Link turned around and saw an armoured midget wearing a mask and holding a sword.

"Hahaha! **You're** trying to **kill** _me_?" laughed Link.

Link continued to chuckle for several more minutes.

"That's pretty funny, actually, really funny!" chuckled Link.

Meta Knight stabbed Link in the thighs.

…

"Ow!" screamed Link, falling onto his knees, "That hurts!"

…

"I never knew midgets could hurt people so badly!" laughed Link.

Meta Knight slashed Link in the stomach.

"Now we need _ten_ funerals," said Link, getting more light headed by the second.

* * *

"Will you stop that racket?!" said Bowser angrily, concentrating very hard to read his newspaper.

"He's going to shoot!" screamed Roy.

"I can't hear you!" said Bowser, turning up the volume on his headphones.

Three bullets rang out, three large shrieks being heard shortly after.

Sonic walked into the room.

"Hey!" said Bowser, putting down the papers and smiling innocently, "Are you the new smasher?"

Sonic grinned menacingly, pointing a gun at Bowser**.  
**

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

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	4. Chapter 4

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

"_I can't take this anymore!" cried Ike. Ike shot himself._

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at Ike's body._

…

"_Then I'm afraid you're going to have to die now," said Crazy Hand._

"_You wouldn't kill me, because I'm Lin-"_

_Crazy Hand was already in the process of squashing Link._

"_Aah!" screamed Link._

…

_Link turned around and saw an armoured midget wearing a mask and holding a sword._

…

_Sonic grinned menacingly, pointing a gun at Bowser._

**Chapter Four**

Sonic grinned menacingly, pointing a gun at Bowser.

"Are you the new smasher?" said Bowser in a cute voice.

Sonic continued to grin evilly, holding up the gun.

"Are you the new guy?" said Bowser.

Sonic continued to grin, holding up the gun.

"Hello?" said Bowser, annoyed.

Sonic, grinning, held up the gun.

"Look," said Bowser angrily, "If you're not going to respond, I'm not going to waste my time!"

"I'm going to have to kill you now," said Sonic, grinning evilly.

"Whatever!" said Bowser angrily, going back to read the newspaper.

Sonic pulled the trigger, firing a bullet that was inches away from Bowser's head.

"And keep the racket down!" said Bowser angrily, whilst compassionately reading an editorial on Cambodian illiteracy.

Sonic fired several more bullets that missed Bowser's head. "Daah!" he screamed in frustration.

"We have rules inside this mansion," said Bowser, unamused, oblivious to Sonic's homicidal actions, "We don't shout inside and we take off our shoes at the door!"

Sonic, frustrated, shot a bullet from point blank range, missing Bowser entirely and killing Zelda, who was behind him.

"Daah!" screamed Sonic angrily, "Why can't I kill the turtle?"

"Oh Dilbert," laughed Bowser, several more bullets skimming through his hairline, "Your use of double entendres and plays on words are simply quixotically amusing!"

"AAGH!" screamed Sonic, firing wildly at Bowser.

* * *

Link, backed up against a wall, sat in a puddle of his own blood, sword wounds all over his body.

"You know Mr. Midget…" said Link, dying.

"I am _**not**_ a midget!" screamed an infuriated Meta Knight, slashing Link several more times on the chest.

"Mr. Shortie…" said Link.

"Shut up!" screamed Meta Knight, enraged, "I am going to _**kill**_ you now!"

"You can't kill me!" said Link arrogantly.

"Oh, and why?" laughed Meta Knight at Link's pitiableness.

"Because I have the _triforce!_" boasted Link, holding up a dodgy-looking shield.

"We'll see about that," laughed Meta Knight, raising his sword.

"You'll have to stab me harder," laughed Link arrogantly.

Meta Knight with a violent jab of the sword beheaded Link.

Link's head fell off.

"Triforce…" chuckled Meta Knight, "More like… noforce…"

…

"You didn't kill me!" laughed Link from behind Meta Knight.

"...but…" said Meta Knight, shocked, "…but how?!?!"

"Well," said Link, putting on his intellectual lecturer voice, "You see, the triforce created an illusion that the bag of eggplants lying on the other side of the room was actually me! So instead of stabbing my body, you in fact stabbed-"

Meta Knight took a cheap shot to the groin.

"Aww," whimpered Link, dying.

"That will teach you to call me short!" laughed Meta Knight.

Link's body fell on Meta Knight.

The weight of his 150-pound body crushed Meta Knight to death.

"Drat!" screamed Meta Knight angrily.

He died.

* * *

Sonic continued to fire bullets at Bowser, screaming in frustration.

"Will you stop it?" said Bowser angrily, covering his ears, "Stop making that racket!"

Sonic ran up to Bowser and held the gun up to his head. "Goodbye, Bowser," he cackled evilly.

He pulled the trigger.

…

Click.

"Damn it!" screamed Sonic.

"Okay, that's it!" screamed Bowser angrily, "You're becoming too much of an annoyance! And I'm just going to have to do this to anyone who annoys me!"

Bowser picked up Sonic and walked over to the kitchen.

"Put me down!" said Sonic angrily in his annoyingly high-pitched squeaky voice.

"I'm sorry," said Bowser, putting Sonic in the blender, "…I just had to do it… you were too annoying!"

Bowser closed the lid.

"You wouldn't," said Sonic arrogantly, "You're not a killer, face it Bowser, you're simply not a-"

Bowser turned the blender on and started to whistle.

Pichu, on the other side of the room gasped in shock upon seeing Sonic being mauled inside the blender.

"How could you?!" cried Pichu, "How could you?!"

"Don't worry," said Bowser, smiling cheerfully, "You'll forget about it in a few minutes…."

* * *

Jigglypuff and Pikachu sat in the bar room, both gobbling down their homemade desserts.

"Want some juice?" said Bowser walking in, holding up a beaker of blue liquid mixed with blood and a beaker of yellow liquid mixed with blood.

"No thanks," said Jigglypuff, chomping on her ice cream.

Bowser walked out.

"Hey guys!" said Mario, walking into the room almost instantaneously afterwards, "How-a about-a those-a evil-a new-a smashers-a?"

Pikachu stared puzzled at Mario, "Huh, that's funny Mario! You seem to look much shorter and bluer and turtle-like than yesterday!"

"And I don't remember your Italian accent being so overly emphasised or compulsively annoying," said Jigglypuff, scratching where her goatee would be.

"But-a I-a am-a Mario-a," said Mario in his high-pitched turtle voice.

"And sense when did Mario have a shell?" said Jigglypuff, suspiciously.

"Shut-a up-a!" said Mario angrily, "Now-a, I must-a ask-a you-a if-a you are carrying any weapons on you."

"Actually, I do!" said Jigglypuff happily, flaunting her belt of various knives, guns and heavy artillery to the strange looking Mario.

"Well," said Squirtle, grinning evilly, "Seeing that you trust your old pal Mario so much, how about you both hand me your weapons so that I can… _inspect_ them?"

"Sure!" said Jigglypuff, handing her heavy belt over to Squirtle, "…hey… Squirtle, what happened to your accent?"

Pikachu gasped, "He is Squirtle! …and…"

"It's time for you to die…" said Squirtle in his evil high-pitched voice, taking out a knife and holding it up to Jigglypuff's throat.

"But I don't _have_ a throat!" laughed Jigglypuff.

"OLOLOLOLOL!1" laughed Squirtle, Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

…

Whilst Squirtle was still laughing, Pikachu picked up the knife and stabbed Squirtle, killing him.

…

"Well I guess that's over for now," said Jigglypuff confidently.

Charizard walked in, holding a bazooka.

"Time to die," laughed Charizard.

"Pardon?" said Jigglypuff, her symptoms of hearing loss from headphone exposure showing, "I didn't hear you!"

"TIME TO DIE!1" he screamed, frothing at the mouth.

Charizard shot at Jigglypuff, missing her by just inches.

"Eek!" screamed Jigglypuff**  
**

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

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	5. Chapter 5

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

"_Oh Dilbert," laughed Bowser, several more bullets skimming through his hairline, "Your use of double entendres and plays on words are simply quixotically amusing!"_

"_AAGH!" screamed Sonic, firing wildly at Bowser._

…

_Link's body fell on Meta Knight._

_The weight of his 150-pound body crushed Meta Knight to death._

…

"_I'm sorry," said Bowser, putting Sonic in the blender, "…I just had to do it… you were too annoying!"_

_Bowser closed the lid._

…

_Charizard walked in, holding a bazooka._

"_Time to die," laughed Charizard._

"_Pardon?" said Jigglypuff, her symptoms of hearing loss from headphone exposure showing, "I didn't hear you!"_

"_TIME TO DIE!1" he screamed, frothing at the mouth._

**Chapter Five**

"TIME TO DIE!1" Charizard screamed, holding up a bazooka.

He shot a rocket at Jigglypuff, missing her by just inches.

"Eek!" screamed Jigglypuff, diving behind a couch.

Charizard blindly fired twice at Jigglypuff again, missing by several metres this time and shattering a window.

"I'm over here," taunted Jigglypuff, peeking from behind the couch and sticking her tongue out.

Charizard growled, and stomped towards Jigglypuff.

"Haha, look, I'm over here!" taunted Jigglypuff, Charizard now four metres away.

Charizard stuck the bazooka up to Jigglypuff's head.

"Haha… I'm over…"

Jigglypuff realised she had a bazooka resting on her face.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously, "…I really think you don't want to shoot…"

"And why not?!" said Charizard in an overly done charming British accent.

"…um…" said Jigglypuff, scratching her head, "…because if you shoot me…"

"_Hit him now!_" whispered Jigglypuff really loudly.

"What?" said Pikachu loudly from the other side of the room.

"He's distracted!" shouted Jigglypuff angrily, "…so hit him!"

…

"…so we don't, you know… die!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I am_not_ distracted," said Charizard angrily, arms folded.

"Are too!" argued Jigglypuff.

"Am not!" said Charizard angrily, dropping the bazooka and looking away.

"Hit him!" shouted Jigglypuff angrily.

"I don't have anything to hit him with!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Well what are we supposed to do then?" said Jigglypuff angrily, rotating the pistols in her hands in a constant, circular motion, "Do you see any weapons, dummy?"

"I'm shooting you now!" warned Charizard, holding up the bazooka.

"Shut up, we're arguing!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Charizard aimed.

"That's it," said Jigglypuff, walking around Charizard and stomping up to Pikachu, "You're going to get a big slapping!"

Due to Jigglypuff being right behind Charizard, Charizard aimed directly at Jigglypuff and fired. However, as he had the bazooka pointed in a way that he was aiming at himself, he fired a rocket into his own stomach.

He died.

"Hooray for cheap plot devices!" cheered Pikachu.

…

"Can we make a song about it?" suggested Jigglypuff.

"No," said Pikachu angrily.

"Spoilsport," said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

"Well," said Jigglypuff, "I guess it's _**finally**_ over-"

"Time to die," said Ivysaur, walking in, cackling evilly.

"I'm sick of you guys, already, okay?" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing a vase at Ivysaur.

The vase removed the rose-thingy on his back, killing him.

"Well," announced Jigglypuff in a happy voice, "_**Now**_ this saga is-"

"Not yet," said a boy, wearing a red hat with high-tech gear on his wrists and belt.

"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily, "So what's _**your**_ special power?"

"Jigglypuff!" shouted the Pokemon Trainer in an evil but excited voice, "Use your 'run into a wall' attack!"

"Eeek!" screamed Jigglypuff, the hypnotic command of the Pokemon Trainer causing her to uncontrollably run into a wall. She hit the wall and a large photo frame fell down onto her in a slapstick fashion.

"You're not so tough," said Pikachu angrily, glaring at the Pokemon Trainer, "…I only answer to my _real_ trainer, Ash!"

"Oh really?" said the Pokemon Trainer, grinning smugly, "Because…"

He took off his hat, "I …am… Ash!"

"NUUEZ!1" screamed Pikachu.

"Pikachu, use your 'fill the bathtub with water and then use your zap attack' attack!" laughed the Pokemon Trainer, cackling evilly.

"You'll pay for this!" screamed Pikachu, as what seemed like an imaginary force pulled him over towards the bathroom, "You'll pay!"

* * *

Bowser sat on his chair, reading the daily stock readings, one by one.

"Wow, the stock market is just so _intriguing!_" said Bowser in a typical jolly British accent.

"_You know what would be more intriguing?_" whispered a low croaky voice from behind Bowser. "_Your dead body's blood being splattered all over me… that would be very intriguing…_"

A low, manic laugh was heard from behind Bowser.

"No, not really," said Bowser, closing the business section and opening the self-improvement section.

Bowser had the strange feeling some force from behind him was suffocating him.

"That's funny," said Bowser, oblivious to his own death, "But according to this article, if you're sitting down, a great way to stretch your triceps is to jab your elbows back in repeated motion!"

Bowser almost had no oxygen left to live.

"I should try that!" said Bowser, flailing his elbows backwards wildly.

His elbows hit Snake in the face, causing him to let go of the wire and fall backwards.

"…they don't seem to work…" said Bowser, dissatisfied, "Why did I put such effort into that?"

Snake got back on his feet and took out his pistol.

Bowser whistled, and opened the crosswords section.

* * *

"Ow!" screamed Jigglypuff, running into the wall again.

"Mwahahaha!" laughed Ash.

"Ow!" screamed Jigglypuff, running into the wall again.

"Mwahahaha!" laughed Ash.

"Could we stop it?" said Jigglypuff, running into the wall again. "I'm getting bored!"

"No," said the Pokemon Trainer.

"Please?" said Jigglypuff, turning towards the Pokemon Trainer, her entire face severely swollen, "I want to do something different!"

"Okay… Jigglypuff! Do your 'stab yourself repeatedly' attack!" said the Pokemon Trainer, smiling manically.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, taking a knife, and repeatedly stabbing herself.

…

It hurt.

"Ow!" moaned Jigglypuff.

"The bathtub is full," said the Pokemon Trainer, smiling, "Pikachu, use your 'jump in' attack!"

"Don't say it," begged Pikachu, jumping into the bathtub.

"Pikachu," said the Pokemon Trainer, "Use your z-"

Peach and Donkey Kong ran in, wearing ridiculous-looking unfitting costumes.

"We'll save you!" said Donkey Kong.

"…yeah!" said Peach unconvincingly, "With our psychic… things of…"

"DK, use your 'kill Peach' attack!" said the Pokemon trainer.

Donkey Kong gave Peach a fatal blow to the face, killing her.

"You're not even a Pokemon!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Don't worry, I killed Ness before," said Donkey Kong.

…

"That doesn't help at all!" said Pikachu angrily. "…you just killed Ness!"

"A little help here," said Jigglypuff, missing a quarter of her body, still stabbing herself.

"DK, use your 'go on a murderous rampage' attack!" said the Pokemon Trainer.

"Okay," said Donkey Kong, running out.

The Pokemon Trainer turned towards Pikachu, "…now to kill you."

He grinned menacingly.

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

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	6. Chapter 6

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

"_Well," said Jigglypuff, "I guess it's __**finally**__ over-"_

"_Time to die," said Ivysaur, walking in, cackling evilly._

"_I'm sick of you guys, already, okay?" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing a vase at Ivysaur._

_The vase removed the rose-thingy on his back, killing him._

…

"_Pikachu, use your 'fill the bathtub with water and then use your zap attack' attack!" laughed the Pokemon Trainer, cackling evilly._

"_You'll pay for this!" screamed Pikachu, as what seemed like an imaginary force pulled him over towards the bathroom, "You'll pay!"_

…

"_DK, use your 'go on a murderous rampage' attack!" said the Pokemon Trainer._

"_Okay," said Donkey Kong, running out._

**Chapter Six**

"Guess what, guys?" said Fox smugly, holding up five cards, fluttering his eyes at everyone else. "You all never would have saw this hand coming!"

Fox dramatically revealed a straight flush onto the table. "Check that out! A straight flush!"

Fox grinned smugly at Falco, Ganondorf and Marth, saying in a crafty voice, "Hand over your chips, chumps!"

"We're playing Snakes and Ladders," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Oh… we _so_ did not see that joke coming," said Falco sarcastically.

"I'd like to see _you_ give a better introduction for us in the story," said Ganondorf, rolling the dice.

"Guys, we're playing Monopoly," said Marth, taking two hundred dollar bills from the bank.

"I could come up with a better introduction any day," boasted Falco.

"Oh, I'm sure you could," sneered Ganondorf.

"And where did you get those cards from, Fox?" asked Marth, "…we don't even have playing cards in this room."

"Oh yeah? Try me," said Falco angrily, "And I'm sure you could do so much better!"

"I found these on the ground," said Fox, showing Marth five snap cards.

"You want to fisticuff?" said Ganondorf in a typical British accent, rotating his fists in an anti-clockwise motion.

"Fox," said Marth, disappointed, "…those are snap cards. How could you_possibly_ think up that you had a straight flush with snap cards?"

"Bring it," said Falco, drawing his gun.

"I don't know!" cried Fox, "I don't know!"

"You don't fisticuff with guns, idiot," said Ganondorf angrily.

"There, there, I didn't mean to be so harsh," said Marth.

Falco shot Ganondorf.

"Aww, you're such a great pal," said Fox happily.

"You just shot me!" said Ganondorf, in shock, "…you… you swine! You evil goat!"

"Anyway, what's up with DK and Kirby anyways?" asked Marth.

"I take offence to that!" said Falco angrily.

"I dunno," said Fox, "Kirby went for a drink and DK just… wandered off."

"Well… you shot me…" said Ganondorf angrily.

"They better return soon," said Marth angrily.

"You deserved to be shot," said Falco angrily.

"I'm so angry at the moment," said Fox angrily.

Kirby walked into the room, "Lots of people are dead," said Kirby angrily.

"Falco's going to be too," said Ganondorf, taking out a gun angrily.

"That's so horrible!" said Marth in shock, angrily.

"What are you going to do, assault me?" said Falco angrily.

"It turns out all of the new Smashers are behind it, so don't trust anyone new," said Kirby angrily.

"I am!" screamed Ganondorf, punching Falco in the face angrily.

Falco fell to the ground.

"Thanks for the heads up," said Marth.

Falco's body lay there.

Dr. Mario ran in with a stethoscope.

"He's dead!" said Dr. Mario, pointing to the body.

…

"You didn't even check the body!" said Marth angrily.

"Hey guys, I'm here to kill you," said Pit, wheeling a cannon into the room.

"I know a dead body when I see one!" said Dr. Mario angrily.

"Aah!" screamed Kirby, Ganondorf and Fox at the cannon.

"I'm still alive," said Falco, tilting his head up slightly.

"I'm going to shoot!" announced Pit very slowly, loading the cannon.

"See? I told you I was right," said Marth angrily.

"Aah!" screamed Kirby, Ganondorf and Fox at the cannon.

"Not anymore," said Dr. Mario, punching Falco several times to his face.

"Firing in several seconds!" announced Pit.

"You… you just killed Falco!" said Marth, shocked.

"Don't we have… you know… fighting skills… that can… you know… get us out of here?" said Kirby.

"I know," said Dr. Mario.

Pit fired the cannon, a cannonball missing Kirby by a metre and going through Mr. Game and Watch's wall into his stomach, killing him.

"I'll punish you for this!" said Marth, raising his fist.

Pit fired again, hitting Mario. He died. (In a family friendly, cartoon-violence kind of way.)

Everyone stared at Pit, shocked. "EEK!" they all screamed.

* * *

Ash grinned evilly at Pikachu, who was sitting helplessly in a bathtub full of water.

"Please don't!" cried Pikachu, "You couldn't do it to me… your_favourite_ Pokemon!"

"Actually, I always liked Jigglypuff better," said the Pokemon Trainer.

Jigglypuff poked her tongue out at Pikachu as she continued to devour herself with a knife.

"Well, it's time," said Ash, grinning evilly.

"What about everything we've been through?" sobbed Pikachu.

"Like?" said Ash.

"Um… the time where we… uh…" said Pikachu, thinking. "We uh… well…"

"Too late," said Ash. "Pikachu, use your zap attack!"

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Pikachu, crying, starting the zapping process.

"Pikachu, stop attacking!" shouted a voice from the other side of the room.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff gasped, and looked at a female trainer on the other side of the room.

"Yay! May!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff. "You're here to save us!"

"May?!" screamed Ash, infuriated, "I hate you even _more_ than those dastardly Smashers!"

"Well that's too bad," said May smugly, "Because I am going to bust those-"

Ash slit May's throat, killing her.

"Hahahaha!" chuckled Ash sadistically, stomping on her body several times. "Now to once and for all get rid of Pika-"

Pikachu and Jigglypuff were gone.

"You dastardly Pokemon!" cursed Ash.

* * *

"Okay," said Bowser to himself, yawning. "It's been a pretty productive day, I think I'm going to hit the sack."

Bowser walked into his room. "It's getting pretty dark," he said to himself, slipping on a nightcap and pointing to the sun.

"Goodnight!" said Bowser to himself, jumping onto his bed and using Diddy Kong's head as a pillow. He took Luigi's body and pulled him up his leg, using him as a blanket. Reaching for some padding, he took Ike's body and shoved it underneath him.

…

"WHAT?!?!?!" screamed Bowser in shocked, looking at the twenty bodies that were lying on his bed.

"There are _**bodies**_ on my bed!" screamed Bowser, "Bodies! Dead bodies!"

"All of my friends are dead!" cried Bowser, "How did I not notice?"

Bowser pulled Pichu's body out, "Like… Pichu…" said Bowser insincerely. "…yeah… he was a great friend… and Nana? Yeah… yeah… she was… who was Nana? And Yoshi… I hated that kid… and… Luigi…"

…

"All of my best friends are dead!" cried Bowser.

…

"And _**I**_ missed out on helping!" said Bowser angrily.

Donkey Kong walked in, holding a banana gun, "Time to die-"

"Shut up!" said Bowser angrily, giving him a fatal blow to the chin. "Why didn't you tell me we were going on a killing spree before, huh?"

Donkey Kong's dead body did not respond.

"Humph!" said Bowser angrily, stomping out into the hallway.

"Bowser!" cried Zelda, running into the hallway, "It's horrible! All of the new smashers are going on a massive killing spree and-"

"Shut up!" said Bowser infuriated, picking up Zelda and snapping her in half.

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum_


	7. Chapter 7

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

**Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion…**

"_Hey guys, I'm here to kill you," said Pit, wheeling a cannon into the room._

…

"_Pikachu, stop attacking!" shouted a voice from the other side of the room._

_Pikachu and Jigglypuff gasped, and looked at a female trainer on the other side of the room._

"_Yay! May!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff. "You're here to save us!"_

…

_Ash slit May's throat, killing her._

…

"_WHAT?!?!?!" screamed Bowser in shocked, looking at the twenty bodies that were lying on his bed._

"_There are __**bodies**__ on my bed!" screamed Bowser, "Bodies! Dead bodies!"_

…

"_And__**I**__ missed out on helping!" said Bowser angrily._

_Donkey Kong walked in, holding a banana gun, "Time to die-"_

"_Shut up!" said Bowser angrily, giving him a fatal blow to the chin. "Why didn't you tell me we were going on a killing spree before, huh?"_

**Chapter Seven**

Bowser cackled manically has he waved around Zelda's bloody carcass, earwax seeping out of the eyes.

Popo ran up to Bowser, in tears. "Bowser, it's horrible!" cried Popo, "Twenty-eight people have been killed in what seems to be a horrible massacre!"

"Twenty-eight?!" said Bowser, shocked and angry, "I've missed out on so much!"

"I know! You have to help us!" said Popo crying, hugging Bowser's leg, "Twenty-eight people are dead!"

"Twenty-nine," said Bowser in a serious, low voice.

"What do you mean?" said Popo, staring into Bowser's eyes cutely.

"I said, twenty-nine," said Bowser angrily.

"But there are only twenty-eight," argued Popo.

"_**Now**_ there will be twenty-nine!" said Bowser angrily, pointing at Popo.

"What do you mean?" said Popo.

"After I_** kill**_ you there will be twenty-nine," said Bowser.

"What do you mean?" said Popo, scratching his head. "And why are you caressing Zelda's bloody carcass in your own hands, laughing manically as you pull out the organs individually, cackling uncontrollably at the sound they make after splattering onto the ground?"

Bowser grinned evilly at Popo.

"It's almost as if you're going out with the intention of…" said Popo, coming to a realisation. "…killing people?!"

"Yes," acknowledged Bowser.

"Oh," said Popo.

…

"So are you going to like, kill me or-" said Popo.

Bowser stomped on Popo, killing him.

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser heartily.

* * *

Mewtwo and Falcon sat in a room, playing snap in silence. 

…

"…you know how there's lots of bodies everywhere and stuff?" said Falcon, turning over a card.

"Mmm…" said Mewtwo apathetically, placing down a card.

"…maybe we should… do something about it?" suggested Falcon.

"Naah," said Mewtwo, flipping another card over.

…

Lucas ran into the room, wielding a machete.

"You guys are really starting to get lame," said Mewtwo angrily.

"You know what isn't lame?" said Lucas smugly.

"…my body smeared all over the wall, yeah, yeah," said Mewtwo, uninterested.

"I'm going to kill you first, kitty kat!" said Lucas.

"You're not fazing me anymore!" said Mewtwo angrily, turning over a card to reveal a frog (which did not match with Falcon's donkey).

Lucas charged towards Mewtwo, screaming loudly, machete raised.

"I'm trying to concentrate on this!" said Mewtwo angrily, flipping over a lion card (which did not match with Falcon's woodpecker).

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Lucas, now five metres away from Mewtwo.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, turning towards to Lucas and punching him in the face, killing him.

…

Lucas's body lay there.

…

"Snap!" said Falcon excitedly, putting his hand on top of the card pile, "Oh boy! I won! I won! You lose!"

"Congratulations, you have won at what could be the most brainless game ever invented," said Mewtwo bitterly.

"Yay!" said Falcon in a kid-like celebratory voice. "Oh boy, do I get a prize?"

"Yes, you do!" said Mewtwo.

"Really? What is it?" said Falcon, hopefully.

Mewtwo slit Falcon's throat, killing him.

"There was your prize," said Mewtwo smugly.

…

"Oh geez, that gag was _so_ original," said Falco sarcastically. "And so clever!"

"Do you want to have the same fate?" said Mewtwo angrily. "Do you want me to kill you?"

"You can't kill me," said Falco, poking his tongue out, "I'm a_spirit!_"

"Curse you, Falco!" cursed Mewtwo, "Curse you!"

* * *

Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at each other in silence inside a closet, munching away on their preserved fruit as they glared angrily at each other. 

"I've got an idea!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"Could you be any quieter?" said Pikachu angrily.

"No!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"You weren't supposed to answer that," said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh! I'll remember for next time!" said Jigglypuff, increasing in volume after every word she spoke.

"So what's your idea?" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"Well," announced Jigglypuff, "I tally up all of the people alive, and then we can count them to see how many people are left!"

"That's a stupid idea," whispered Pikachu, "You'll get yourself killed! And keep quiet! Someone may here us!"

"_Who to kill? Who to kill?_" said a manic, soldier-like voice from outside the cupboard.

"Well don't kill us!" said Jigglypuff loudly, "Because you can find us because we're hiding in this cupboard-"

"Shut up!" whispered Pikachu angrily, covering Jigglypuff's mouth.

"Did I hear someone say, _shut up_?" said the voice from the hallway.

"See? You're louder," shouted Jigglypuff, poking her tongue out at Pikachu.

"You're the one that's shouting!" whispered Pikachu angrily.

"Did I hear someone say, _you're the one that's shouting_?" said the voice from the hallway.

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Pikachu at the top of his lungs, "I'm_** whispering **_and he's hearing _**me**_ while _**you're**_ shouting really, really loudly!"

Silence.

"I think you were _shouting_," whispered Jigglypuff.

"Did I hear someone say, _I think you were shouting_?" said the voice from the hallway.

"Okay, I have a plan!" shouted Pikachu, "We just talk really loudly because that way he can't hear us! We then creep off because he's too busy trying to hear whispers and we manage to escape!"

Jigglypuff nodded.

"Did somebody just _nod_?" said Snake suspiciously from outside the cupboard.

"Okay, your movements also can't be subtle!" shouted Pikachu, "He can detect them too!"

"Okay!" shouted Jigglypuff, kicking down the door.

Snake looked around in silence, Jigglypuff and Pikachu right in front of him.

"Okay! Let's go!" shouted Pikachu, running off, stomping as loud as he good.

"Why, that guy has several dozen guns!" shouted Jigglypuff, stopping, as Pikachu stomped across the hallway to safety.

…

"Can I touch them?" said Jigglypuff in a tiny voice, stroking one of Snake's automatic guns gently.

"YOU!" screamed Snake, frothing through the mouth, pointing a gun at Jigglypuff.

"Eek!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"I'm not going to let you out of my sights this time," said Snake, grinning as if he had outwitted someone. "You'll _never_ escape!"

"Jigglypuff! Stomp really loudly!" shouted Pikachu, "Be loud and obnoxious as you can and make an escape!"

Jigglypuff stole one of Snake's guns and started wildly firing into the air, running off towards Pikachu.

"Yay! You did it, Jigglypuff!" cheered Pikachu.

"We did it! We did it!" shouted Jigglypuff and Pikachu at the top of their lungs.

"Now we'll _**never**_ have to deal with Snake again!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"You're right," said a voice from behind them, "You only have to deal with _us_."

Jigglypuff and Pikachu turned around to see Crazy Hand, the Pokemon Trainer, King Dedede and Samus glaring evilly at them, all holding a large metallic object threateningly.

"Eek," said Pikachu.

"Wait, Samus, I thought you weren't evil!" said Jigglypuff.

"Well," said Samus, stroking the blue bird's shoulder affectionately, "I found love today."

"That's just… sick…" said Pikachu, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"You'll pay for that!" said Samus, raising her crowbar, everyone else following suit.

"AAAH!" screamed Pikachu and Jigglypuff, covering their eyes.

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum_

Author's Note: This chapter may have been particularly stupid and/or unfunny. This is not a one-off, you've probably been lying to yourself in liking this story.


	8. Chapter 8

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

"Last time on Crazy Crazy Mansion," said Master Hand, "Bowser tried to outmurder everyone else!"

_Bowser stomped on Popo, killing him._

"_Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Bowser heartily._

"…while Lucas and Captain Falcon had their fates decided by Mewtwo!"

"_SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, turning towards to Lucas and punching him in the face, killing him._

"_Congratulations, you have won at what could be the most brainless game ever invented," said Mewtwo bitterly._

"_Yay!" said Falcon in a kid-like celebratory voice. "Oh boy, do I get a prize?"_

"_Yes, you do!" said Mewtwo._

"_Really? What is it?" said Falcon, hopefully._

_Mewtwo slit Falcon's throat, killing him._

"Will Samus playing for the bad side jeopardise the survival for the old smashers?"

"_Wait, Samus, I thought you weren't evil!" said Jigglypuff._

"_Well," said Samus, stroking the blue bird's shoulder affectionately, "I found love today."_

"And can Jigglypuff and Pikachu get out of their sticky situation?"

_Jigglypuff and Pikachu turned around to see Crazy Hand, the Pokemon Trainer, King Dedede and Samus glaring evilly at them, all holding large metallic objects threateningly._

"Eight people are still alive… who will be eliminated… next?" said Master Hand.

**Chapter Eight**

Young Link, puffing, ran through the doors of the county jail. He searched desperately through the building for Master Hand's cell, receiving angry looks from prisoners as he inspected each cell, one by one. He reached the end of the aisle of cells.

"Master Hand!" shouted Young Link in excitement, "I'm so glad to see you! The place has turned chaotic since you left!"

"Wow, Young Link! You came here for me?" said Master Hand excitedly.

"Yeah, I did!" said Young Link.

"Why did you come?" said Master Hand curiously.

Young Link leant in closer to Master Hand. "It turns out all of the new smashers are evil and going on a mass killing spree!"

Master Hand gasped, "That's horrible!"

"You have to do something!" said Young Link desperately, "Or we'll all be killed!"

"Well get me out of this cell!" said Master Hand angrily.

Young Link slashed the lock off Master Hand's cell, freeing the door open.

"Hooray!" shouted Young Link and Master Hand, hugging each other.

"It's so nice to have you back," said Young Link.

"Really?" said Master Hand, squeezing tighter.

"Hehe," said Young Link, laughing at the fact that Master Hand was playfully squeezing him tighter, "But seriously, we need weapons of some sort, otherwise we won't be able to save all of the remaining old smashers!"

"Yeah, we should think up of a plan," said Master Hand, grasping Young Link's neck and squeezing that tightly as well.

"Haha," said Young Link at the fact that Master Hand was playfully choking him, "Can you stop that and can we save the smashers?"

"The thing is… I don't _want_ the smashers to be saved…" said Master Hand angrily, now just grasping Young Link's neck and squeezing as tight as he could.

"Stop!" screamed Young Link, asphyxiating, "You could kill me! And why don't you want the smashers to be saved?"

"Oh, you know, because… it was _**my plan**_," cackled Master Hand, using every bone in his body to choke Young Link.

"What?!" screamed Young Link, choking, "I promise I won't tell anyone! You'll kill me!"

"Aww… and wouldn't that be such a shame?" said Master Hand in a puppy voice, squeezing Young Link's head of its place and therefore decapitating him, causing a large trail of blood to splatter all over the ground. Master Hand laughed sadistically as he picked up Young Link's body and smeared it all over the pool of blood.

…

"Oh and, thanks for getting me out," said Master Hand, smiling at Young Link's body.

Young Link's body did not respond.

"Fine…" said Master Hand angrily, floating out.

* * *

Crazy Hand and the Pokemon Trainer held up their crowbars threateningly as King Dedede and Samus made out.

"Help me!" said Pikachu, covering his eyes, whimpering.

"I know, aren't we just threatening you so well?" cackled the Pokemon Trainer evilly.

"Actually, I was talking about that," said Pikachu, pointing to Samus and Dedede on top of the table, King Dedede knocking over several expensive china plates as they passionately latched on to each other. "It's disgusting."

"Oh gee, how original," said Jigglypuff angrily, "You're in a life-threatening situation and you're scared of the fact that some large blue bird and a woman in a power suit are making out and… wow… that is actually rather disgusting…"

"Now to kill you!" cackled Ash, raising his crowbar.

A cannonball broke through the wall behind Ash and hit him in the back, killing him. Crazy Hand floated out in hysteria.

Fox, Ganondorf, Marth and Kirby ran through the wall, screaming hysterically.

The two parties noticed each other.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Kirby.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Marth.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Fox.

"Kirby and Pikachu, you're alive!" cheered Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf, Marth and Kirby, you're alive!" cheered Pikachu and Jigglypuff together.

…

Fox glared angrily at Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

"Aww, thanks for caring," said Marth.

"Yeah, thanks for caring about **all **of us," said Kirby happily.

"A-hem," said Fox angrily.

"You're welcome," said Jigglypuff happily.

"A-hem!" shouted Fox angrily.

"You're welcome too," said Ganondorf happily.

"**AHEM!**" shouted Fox angrily.

"You're welcome as well," said Pikachu happily.

"_**AHEM!**_" screamed Fox.

"Thank you all!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"If you don't acknowledge me," threatened Fox, "Karma is going to do something _**so**_ bad to you that you'll be sorry!"

Fox folded his arms and grunted smugly.

…

A making out Samus and King Dedede rolled off the table onto Fox, crushing him under their weight.

"That's so horrible!" said Marth, shocked.

"I know!" said Kirby, "It's so bad that Fox is dead!"

"No, I was talking about the making out!" said Marth, disgusted. "It's so horrible that stuff like that is legal!"

"Enough already with the jokes!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

…

"Thanks for firing that cannonball to save us from Ash!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"But we didn't fire any cannonballs," laughed Marth, "It was…"

"Me," cackled Pit, pointing _**two**_ cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

Everyone gasped.

* * *

Review or I will continue this story! Or just review?

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum_

Author's Note: This chapter may have been particularly stupid and/or unfunny. This is not a one-off, you've probably been lying to yourself in liking this story.


	9. Chapter 9

Crazy Crazy Mansion  
By Hoogiman

_**Last time… on Crazy Crazy Mansion**_

_Master Hand laughed sadistically as he picked up Young Link's body and smeared it all over the pool of blood._

…

"_Thanks for firing that cannonball to save us from Ash!" said Jigglypuff happily._

"_But we didn't fire any cannonballs," laughed Marth, "It was…"_

"_Me," cackled Pit, pointing __**two**__ cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf._

_Everyone gasped._

**Chapter Nine**

There were now only six legally sane smashers left alive, four of them had a cannon pointed at them by a cackling boy angel.

"Time to die!" cackled Pit, pointing his cannons at Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf.

"I thought angels were supposed to be nice!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Well… I'm not an angel…" laughed Pit evilly, pointing to his wings, "…these are **fake!**"

Pit dramatically ripped the wings off his back, not realising that the wings were actually real and they just caused him to kill himself.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf at the body.

Jigglypuff walked up to Pit's body, "Is there candy that will appear out of the body?"

A large splodge of blood oozed onto Jigglypuff's face.

From the body.

"It's blood!" cried Jigglypuff.

"That's usually what happens with bodies that have had vital parts ripped out…" said Ganondorf, "…they bleed…"

"You lie!" cried Jigglypuff, "You're not telling the truth! Tell me you're not telling the truth!"

Jigglypuff tasted some of the blood. "Hmm… that tastes surprisingly similar to tomato sauce…"

Everybody else gasped.

"…and that's strange… Pit's body doesn't seem to be there anymore," inspected Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf got fatally shot by a cannon ball.

"…almost as if…" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

Marth's body landed inches away from a pondering Jigglypuff.

"Pit lied about dying!" said Jigglypuff, outraged.

Kirby's carcass fell up into the air and then landed inches away from Jigglypuff, impaled on a nail in the floor.

"I have to do something about this!" said Jigglypuff, shocked.

A cannon, several inches away pointed at Jigglypuff's head.

"Too late," laughed Pit manically.

Pit fired. As there were no cannonballs left, Jigglypuff was saved.

"AND NOW IS MY TIME TO AVENGE YOU," grunted Jigglypuff, threateningly holding up a toaster.

"And how will you do that, exactly?" scoffed Pit.

"Let's see!" said Jigglypuff happily, putting a blindfold on Pit.

"I _**love**_ blindfolds! It's like the circus!" said Pit in a Yiddish, childish manner.

Jigglypuff plugged in the toaster and shoved Pit's face into it.

He burnt to his own demise.

"Yay for death from low voltage kitchen appliances!" said Jigglypuff.

Samus and King Dedede walked into the room, glaring angrily at Jigglypuff.

"Eek?" said Jigglypuff.

__

* * *

__

Pikachu scampered across the room to the safety of Mewtwo's arms. "Everyone's dead!" he cried, "There are only six people alive now!"

Mewtwo counted Marth, Kirby and Ganondorf's bodies. "No silly," he joked, "Three!"

Pikachu cried even harder.

Mewtwo chuckled. "Oh wait… I guess that's not really helping…"

Pikachu sobbed. "And worst of all… all smash matches are now going to be between Snake, Samus, Crazy Hand, Master Hand, Bowser and King Dedede!"

"Well… we're just going to have to put a stop to this!" said Mewtwo determined, loading a gun.

"Whose gun is that?" said Pikachu, disgusted.

"Certainly not mine," said Mewtwo in a triumphant, heroic voice.

"Fox's disembodied hand is still gripping on to the trigger," said Pikachu, trying not to look.

…

"So?" said Mewtwo angrily.

"It's_**disgusting**_," said Pikachu angrily, "Just like all disembodied hands."

"I take offence to that!" said Crazy Hand, floating in the room, loaded with a rifle.

"AAH!" screamed Mewtwo and Pikachu.

"Now to shoot you!" said Crazy Hand, giggling insanely.

"Whose gun is that?" said Pikachu, disgusted.

"Um…" said Crazy Hand, "…not mine?"

"Fox's disembodied hand is still gripping on to the trigger," said Pikachu, trying not to look.

"You're right… disembodied hands… kind of are evil…" assessed Crazy Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Mewtwo and Pikachu.

"But I'm_**still**_ going to kill you!" cackled Crazy Hand.

"Wait… I have telekinesis!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu.

Mewtwo used his telekinesis to shove Pikachu's tuba down Crazy Hand's throat, choking him to death.

"Yay!" said Mewtwo.

"My… tuba…" said Pikachu in disbelief.

"Don't worry," said Mewtwo, "You can still use it-"

Crazy Hand's final action was to cough and splatter blood all over the tuba.

"NUUUEEZZZ!" screamed Pikachu.

"Fine then, I'll play it," said Mewtwo angrily, picking up the tuba.

Mewtwo put the mouthpiece in his mouth (DUH) and then blew, splattering blood all over Pikachu's face.

"Hehehe!" said Mewtwo.

Pikachu was scarred for life, trembling with fear.

"Wait… I guess that didn't help…" said Mewtwo.

__

* * *

__

"Kill the Pokemon…" said Samus lustfully, massaging King Dedede's shoulders in a stimulating fashion, "I love it when you kill… small… innocent… creatures…"

"Okay…" said King Dedede in a low, suave voice, trying to impress, "I'll kill her… and I'll kill her… just for you!"

"Blindfold time!" said Jigglypuff happily, putting a blindfold on King Dedede.

"I _**love**_ blindfolds! It's like the circus!" said King Dedede in a Yiddish, childish manner.

Jigglypuff plugged in the toaster and shoved his face into it.

He burnt to his own demise.

"YOU KILLED MY LOVE!" screamed Samus, in despair.

"You inherit King Dedede's forty billion dollar empire!" said some random will reader.

"Yay!" said Samus, shooting the guy to avoid continuity errors. "…actually… that's the reason why I married him… he was worth ten billion more than Link… and now I'm freaking rich… …so now I'm not evil anymore!"

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Bowser ran in wielding an axe. Samus shot him.

"I'm still evil!" laughed Samus evilly, "I just killed Bowser! Did you see?"

"Bowser was evil," said Jigglypuff.

"I guess I'm not evil anymore!" said Samus cheerfully.

"Yay! Now to shoot the baddies!" said Jigglypuff.

__

* * *

__

"How can this be?!" said Master Hand angrily to Snake.

"We're the only two left," assessed Snake, "There were just too many of them, we're all gone."

"Well Snake, you're going to have to kill them all, even if it kills you," said Master Hand dramatically.

"Okay!" said Snake.

__

* * *

__

"We're the only four alive?!" said Pikachu to Jigglypuff.

"Yep!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, "And the only baddie left is Snake!"

"Take your positions," ordered Samus to Pikachu, Jigglypuff and Mewtwo.

Snake ran in, firing blindly with four guns simultaneously at the smashers. Samus started to fire back with her rockets, only managing to slightly pierce the heavy body armour he was wearing. Mewtwo was using his telekinesis to try and lodge a viola through his spine but he could not penetrate the armour. Pikachu used Pit's cannon to fire at Snake, knocking him down every time after he tried to stagger back up.

Jigglypuff stood there.

"Hahaha," boasted Snake, "Your three attacks are a match for my _**four**_ guns! You'll never be able to kill me unless you give a fourth attack!"

"Hurry up and do something!" said Pikachu angrily.

"There's no power points!" said Jigglypuff desperately.

"Don't use that freaking toaster!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily, throwing the toaster blindly.

It hit Snake in the face, his only weak spot. He died.

"Yay!" cheered Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo and Samus.

…

Master Hand walked into the room, clapping in a sinister manner. "That was good, but you four are no match for my… super cannon machine of doom!"

Master Hand cackled evilly.

"Which operates on power points!" added Master Hand happily.

"There aren't any power points left!" said Jigglypuff desperately.

"Charge!" screamed Pikachu.

Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo and Samus charged towards Master Hand, mauling, eating and devouring his body.

….

"I guess that saga's over!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Yep," said Pikachu.

…

"Hey sexy…" said Samus to Mewtwo.

"My net worth's just half a billion," said Mewtwo bluntly.

"Not worth my time," said Samus angrily.

**THE END**

Review or I will keep on writing! Or just review?

Send complaints to: _www (dot) smashmansion (dot) com (slash) forum_

If we missed any person in the story, that's simply because they were on holiday to Lithuania!


End file.
